AN INCOHERENT DREAM

1

A multi-dimensional object that is, in shape and movement, part digital glitch and part sea urchin. It’s a shade of deep, massive gloss black. Darker than black, darker than death. It’s the color black that makes a noise like a planet collapsing. It’s shape is eating itself and exploding outwards, broiling tumultuously.  You’re a mile above the massive city, with sky scrapers reaching to the sky like hope, looking down with no body, watching it roll sky-scraper tall, into the center of the neon night, shanghai future. It’s here-but-not-here, it’s in a layer directly on top of a lay person’s run of the mill 3-dimensions, visible to you, real to you, but not manifested as such. This is good because otherwise everyone would be dead.

 

2

An underground environment lit by fluorescent lighting, Parisian subway tiles on the wall. It’s here, with you, bus sized. This time, manifested. Everyone is not dead yet. You and your team—team spelled “family,” as you’ve been through it all together, like that one time you barely pulled it off at the last minute to stop that nearly world-ending debacle, last month—and all of you and it are sharing in the same realities, so you all have bodies and associated delicacies. It came here to fight you. Luckily, you’re a goddamn weapon, and you’re carrying one too (something very Japanese, with a sleek energy that is definitely for killing), and you unsheath with style. Obviously, you’re here to scrap, for honor or mankind or whatever. It’s not important for what specifically, but what is important is that you’re gonna fucking win, because this is what you’re made for. You’re something like the son of a fallen god, and you’re ready to fuck shit up.

 

It pops into a million spikes and then inhales itself into a smooth wave and then breaks into a digital mass and then it freezes as a voluminous scream, a dark-matter Rorschach. Before you have time to move, deeper than the oceans, deeper a man lost in the crushing abyss space, deeper than the tomb of God closing shut

 

YOU CONTINUE TO JUSTIFY YOUR OWN FLAWS THROUGH A DESIRE TO BE YOUR OWN ANTIHERO DESPITE KNOWING THAT IT HURTS THOSE WHO CARE FOR YOU

 

you yell a battle cry and with the smooth ease of an athlete

 

WHAT MEANINGFUL AND POSITIVE IMPACT DO YOU HAVE ON THE WORLD AT LARGE THAT’S UNIQUE TO YOUR EXISTENCE

 

in shock, the world blurring, screams echoing

 

YOU SAY NEXT TIME EVERY TIME BUT STILL LASH OUT AT THOSE WHO CARE FOR YOU DUE TO YOUR MEDIOCRITY

 

your teammates kill themselves

 

HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN THE DISPARITY BETWEEN YOUR AMBITION AND YOUR INADEQUACY

 

you alone stand determined

 

YOU COULD HAVE BEEN SOMEBODY

 

you fall to your knees

 

3

A moment later. You look at your lethally-Japanese-but-also-futuristic-looking-ass weapon, it’s important end on your temple, and realize that it’s useless. This is gonna be different than before. You pull the trigger.

FUCK YEAH RECURSION

A Function to Un-Nest Nested Structures in MATLAB

So I’m flying back from Shanghai right now, (youalreadyknow it’s business class) and I decided to business-expense-splurge for the in-flight wifi, which is about as fast as a snail in the process of peacefully passing away. This means the only scrap of entertainment I can garner from my laptop is writing code in MATLAB. Writing fuckaround code in a pretend programming language in a rickety IDE has a provided surprising source of succor; if you were here you’d know it too because you’d notice I have been sitting FOR HOURS WITHOUT MY SEATBELT ON because I was simply too enraptured by the alternating tides of hate and happiness that MATLAB so easily exerts on the user.

Basically, I’m working on a GUI that allows a user to programmatically  create test limits for test data, while also allowing the user to efficiently adjust the limits where our absurd test data manages to invalidate centuries of statistical knowledge. This requires allowing the user to load a specific test from within an absurdly packaged data file which comes from a test system written by someone who clearly much prefers obfuscating and hiding things over effective data collection WHICH in turn means deeply and variably nested structures. Like 400-megabyte-CSV, stuck-in-limbo-with-Leonardio-DiCaprio, booger-that-you-can-feel-but-after-several-embarrassing-red-lights-you-cannot-remove levels deep.

Therefore, after careful perusal of mathworks, I wrote the following code. It uses recursion to return an array of strings describing each and every branch of a struct, down to the twig. It is surely my greatest accomplishment thus far.

function allfields=fieldnamesr(struct);
% FIELDNAMESR recursively explores the depths of nested structs To find all
% possible branches
%      fuck yeah recursion
fields=fieldnames(struct); %are there any field names?
idx=1; %increment variable
for i=1:1:size(fields,1) %for all field names
    if isstruct(struct.(fields{i})) %see if that field name itself is a structure 
        temp=structRecurrr(struct.(fields{i})); %if also structure, then we must go deeper!
        for j=1:1:length(temp) %for all returned values 
        allfields{idx,1}=sprintf('%s.%s',fields{i},temp{j}); %return a string containing returned values
        idx=idx+1; %increment
        end
    else
        allfields{idx}=fields{i}; %if field name not struct, then we are at bottom level
        idx=idx+1; %increment
    end
end

AQUADMAN

Abstract

Classic bro-split. With some things mixed up/distributed.

Methods

The idea is to cut effectively. The metabolic shift when cutting can reduce caloric deprivation efficacy for people with naturally slow metabolisms, while the energy deficiency can hurt those looking to preserve lean mass, especially for people with fast metabolisms, and people coming off of bulks. The plan is made for my friend (Aquadman) who is looking mainly to have visible abs, so the preservation of lean mass is somewhat secondary, but the theory is compound lifts for energy output and physiological stimulus, with a rotating high-intensity finish in order to add some spice.

Personally, while cutting, compounds and higher weekly lift frequency helps preserve lean mass. It’s completely anecdotal, but I’d guess the consistent stimulus keeps a muscle group from being in ignored by the body, while the compound lifts helps maintain a more anabolic hormonal balance.

Masstronomy

Abstract

This plan was developed for Ironvlad the Giggly and the Philibuster, two fairly light individuals who are training up for Muay Thai. The idea behind this is a simplistic 3-day/week periodized program to gain lean mass to develop functional strength for Muay Thai using barbells and dumbbells only–it is assumed that other more specific training will be done in the scope of the Muay Thai classes. The two individuals it’s intended for need to move up a weight class, so the idea is to split between large compound lifts in a strength rep/set scheme to build power and explosiveness and large compounds with accessories in a  hypertrophic rep/set schemes to help build lean mass. The mesocycle structure throws in some extra MUSCLE CONFUSION by changing movements and modulating intensity and volume through out the cycle. The gradual ratcheting of volume/intensity through the cycle, besides being a mainstay of periodization, is intended to take advantage of the bulk.

Method

Essentially, the 1RM are establish on Week 0, which sets the weights for the next few weeks. Then a 6 week periodized mesocycle follows, with each cycle ending by re-establishing a (hopefully) higher 1RM. Obviously, the %1RM numbers and rep/set structures are guidelines, as the math they are based on is fairly generalized, and one sees a lot of variation day-to-day and person-to-person in response to volume/weight/bulking etc. And besides, sometimes your friends are watching and the cute chick you were staring at is vaguely looking in your direction wondering which of the sweaty, grunting, gym nerds is making so many noises and the random song that came on right before your set drops super hard and you deadlift your current 5RM for an easy 12 and you walk away like a light-headed, red-faced, veiny and skinless gorilla, so never let a prescribed rep number tell you what to do.

The structure of the lifts is 2 main movements, meant to be done at the rep and set and %1RM determined by the week number. This is then followed by 2 accessory super sets, which don’t really need to follow the mesocycle, though the recommendation is 4 x 6-10. The 2 accessory lifts vary through the week, and there’s a decoder ring which includes 2 versions for each accessory superset; the idea is to alternate between the  x.1 and x.2 versions one week to the next.

There’s also a little calculation section on the right which recommends the weekly intake, and daily recommended intake as per Ironvlad The Giggly’s BMR, activity, desired gains, desired time etc. Everything that’s green text in a green box is for user input, in order to calculate necessary intake.

Click here to download:

ironVladTheGiggly